oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
