Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
