She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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