I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
