Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
