yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
