hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
