so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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