You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
