i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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