I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
