There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
