Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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