Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
