We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
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Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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