I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
