Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
