it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
