I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Randomize
