sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
