She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
