Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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