JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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