I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
