i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
