she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
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I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
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Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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