Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
ugly people sure do ruin things
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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