elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
