If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
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I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
As shirtless as possible
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
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And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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