i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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