i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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