I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Let's get the cat blown out
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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