summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
