did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
