Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
