I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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