I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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