ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
