I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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