Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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