Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
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I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
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My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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