I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
