The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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