OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
