the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
