I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
