you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
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I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
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So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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