i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
