what day is it and did you see me today?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
