you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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