You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
