woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
should my penis look like a turkey
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Someone came in the potted fern
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
