Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
