My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
