You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
