I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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