I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
