Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
