he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
