This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Less talking, more tequila
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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