see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You're a waste of cheezeits
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
