Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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