how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
