first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
