You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Watching her eat just hurts me
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
