i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
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