had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
