So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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