You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
You smell like a Billy Joel song
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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