mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
