Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Randomize
