if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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