i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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