youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
